You know what I should have realized before hand? Running is not something you should do if you are well-endowed and can't afford or find a REALLY GOOD sports bra.  So I'm cycling instead until things improve.  That's all for now.

Pep Rally

"Say, man they tell me you're pretty good
don't you know you're in my neighborhood
they tell me you're pretty fast on them feets
you best be at the RACE down on 14th street
ya hear


there's going to be a showdown
there's going to be  a showdown"

There's going to be a showdown between me . . . and me.  That's the beautiful and terrible thing about running, you are your own worst enemy, but it's only your own pr (personal record) you need to worry about.  So even though I haven't ran a step yet (I'm still in preliminary training) --

I am a marathoner!

A List of Inspiration

People who Inspire Me

1. Oprah.  Not only has she ran a marathon, but back when fat wasn't cool she became a supremely successful fat woman -- in television no less.

2. Jenny Oaks Baker's music


 3. Arthur "Killer" Kane


4. Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her whole family really, no matter how hard things were they didn't complain or look to someone else to fix their troubles, their life was their responsibility.  They're our heritage and legacy and if we can be half as brave and cheerful in adversity as they were we might just get ourselves out of this mess we're in now economically, politically and every other which way.


5. Rose Wilder Lane
She truly understood the meaning of liberty and it's price.

update

I just talked to my sister in Idaho and she informed me that she is thinking about taking up running so that when she comes home in late summer she could run a 5k with us.  She's only thinking about it, but I'm excited.

Accomplishment is Just a Bonus

This is the book I mentioned in my last post as reading excerpts from on amazon.com.  I love that about that company.

One of the reasons I decided to run a marathon besides the book that made me realize it was possible, was the need not for speed, but confidence.

My self-esteem has taken some heavy hits recently; I lost my job and the straw bale house building project (see www.mcilrathfamilyhomestead.blogspot.com) (I forgot how to embed those links) was encountering a lot more road blocks than I'd anticipated even in my worst nightmares.  Oh, and then I also was diagnosed with thyroid cancer a year and a half ago and as unreasonable as it may be, I really felt betrayed by my body.

I wouldn't wish a dysfunctional thyroid on anybody.  I went from a reasonably intelligent and energetic person to one who was ALWAYS exhausted and my mental abilities went way down due to a lack of T3 (a thyroid hormone) being absorbed by my brain which is critical for memory and brain function.  I could barely remember my name and I'm only just barely, barely beginning to return to my old self.  Holding a conversation was nearly impossible especially with a new acquaintance and I had used to be a raconteur.

So, in a word I've felt like a stranger to myself and a loser for some time now.  Well, after recently (just 4 weeks ago) getting my thyroid medication to a point where I think I'm actually getting what I need, I guess I feel I've reached a point where I can start living my life again instead of just hanging on by my torn and bleeding fingernails.

Another decision that indirectly led to me getting the marathon flea in my ear was deciding to take a job selling door to door for the summer.  Something that five years ago paralyzed me with fear.  Now, when I was offered the chance just ten days after being fired from my previous job, I thought, "what the hell I've nothing to lose, no pride, no security, no nothing."  Or in the words of Kris Kristofferson, "freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose" and I'm nothing if not free.

This summer I'll be doing two things I've never done before: selling and running.  Quite likely I've taken on too much too soon, a common occurrence.  What the hell, if I'm not pushing myself to the edge of a breakdown I may as well be mouldering in my grave right?  Life is about attempting the impossible, achieving it is just a rare bonus.

Runnin' On Empy

On October 16, 2010 my sister and I are going to run the Waddel & Reed Marathon in Kansas City.

That's twenty-four weeks away. In approximately two months time I'm going to work up to a thirty minute jog then in July I start the sixteen week training described in the book, "The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer" by Whitsett, Dolgener and Kole.

It's possible that at some point in my past I've run a consecutive mile, but highly unlikely. I do not run. There was a brief period of time when I was almost thin that I'd pick up my feet and enjoy the sensation of my light body moving lightly across the ground, but that was some years ago.

I've been overweight since puberty, but now in the past two years it's become an obesity issue. It seems to have happened overnight and I can't believe I look the way I do. I hate the way I feel. The disgust and loathing I feel towards my own body is scaring me and its having a corrosive effect on other areas of my life where traditionally I've been confident.

One day the word marathon had almost no meaning for me like stiletto heels or catching a red-eye. Like running a marathon those are things that are not a part of my life or vocabulary. In fact my cousin mentioned he and his wife were going to run a half-marathon and I thought to myself, "can't you see I'm fat why would you say that to me?" an obviously unhealthy response on my part, but that was it, in one ear and out the other, no quiet longings to run a race of my own. Or so I thought. I could never have predicted that in two weeks I'd be training for my own marathon.

A week after my cousin's comment I was thinking about this woman I'd seen on Discovery Channel's tv show "I Shouldn't Be Alive", Danelle Ballengee, an experienced extreme adventure runner fell off a cliff, broke her pelvis and waited two and a half days for help. I thought she was crazy for going to the middle of nowhere to run on the edge of a crumbly cliff all by herself without telling anyone where she was going. So I googled her which eventually somehow led me to read part of a book on amazon.com called, Runner's World Guide to Adventure Racing (I didn't even know what runner's world was I though world was an adjective modifying guide).

Too frightened to let myself think about what I was doing I got up from the computer and drove to the bookstore. I perused the running section, read almost a whole Runner's World book on running, went back to the shelf and skimmed through some other books and then I saw The Non-Runner's Guide. As soon as I saw the book which was prominently displayed, though I'd not noticed it for 30 minutes, I knew that book was meant for me. I could barely admit to myself that I wanted to run so when I got home I just mentioned all this stuff I'd learned about running as incidental to me reading about Danelle and "wasn't that interesting?" until finally my Mom asked me if I was going to run a marathon. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "maybe, it might be a good idea."

She laughed, but she wasn't laughing at me. She's been my biggest supporter so far and she's training alongside me to run a 5k. She'd actually been dreaming of running for a few years herself. My sister is training as well, she ran cross country in high school. My other sister just ran a mile and a half for her health class, so far I haven't convinced her to train for a race -- that was enough for her she says, but I'm confident that eventually running will become a family affair.

So now I'm a Marathoner (the books says to call yourself that).